Greg McCauley

Hi! I’m Greg McCauley! And if you’re not sure what I’m doing on the ballot this November, well that makes two of us!! I mean, I’m just a humble tax attorney who owns nine fast-food franchises and got rich helping people cheat the government – and now I’m running to help Donald Trump cheat all of you! Only in America, amiright?!

But I guess since Patrick Meehan allegedly paid off an employee he sexually harassed with $39,000 in taxpayer funds and Ryan Costello allegedly gave up and walked away and our allegedly heavily-gerrymandered congressional district doesn’t exist anymore, I was the only far right weirdo who was (1) left in the district and (2) not already running for office.

Now, I admit: Greg McCauley’s a little slow on the draw. Sure, the Republican National Committee named me as one of the ‘Young Guns’ running for officeand people got their laughs in

But the truth is that the RNC named me a Young Gun thirty years ago. I’m just finally getting around to collect my Young Gun badge. But me, a young gun? Come on folks, in five short years, I’ll be eligible for the Social Security benefits I intend to slash in a few short months, as your new Congressman - Greg “Young Gun” McCauley.