Hi! I’m Greg McCauley! And if you’re not sure what I’m doing on the ballot this November, well that makes two of us!! I mean, I’m just a humble tax attorney who owns nine fast-food franchises and got rich helping people cheat the government – and now I’m running to help Donald Trump cheat all of you! Only in America, amiright?!
But I guess since Patrick Meehan allegedly paid off an employee he sexually harassed with $39,000 in taxpayer funds and Ryan Costello allegedly gave up and walked away and our allegedly heavily-gerrymandered congressional district doesn’t exist anymore, I was the only far right weirdo who was (1) left in the district and (2) not already running for office.
But the truth is that the RNC named me a Young Gun thirty years ago. I’m just finally getting around to collect my Young Gun badge. But me, a young gun? Come on folks, in five short years, I’ll be eligible for the Social Security benefits I intend to slash in a few short months, as your new Congressman - Greg “Young Gun” McCauley.